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Saturday, August 21st, 2010
10:53 pm

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Monday, January 1st, 2007
9:34 pm
maybe i'm taking everything way too personally....

that's a really bad habbit of mine.

its really hard not to...

and i'm starting feel sick...
i haven't even really healed yet....
and i'm already making it worse.

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Friday, October 27th, 2006
7:55 pm
apologies to those who read my losingluster journal...

i was so dumped today...

and i'm feeling all emo about it....

i'm definately not satisfied.... at all... :(


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Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
6:55 pm - uhm...
she stops and she sings
doot doot doo doot doot doo doot doo

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Sunday, October 15th, 2006
6:51 pm
i haven't logged into this profile in a LONG time.
what to say... what to say....
i made a myspace... like... a week or two ago...
blah blah..

i did miss being social... kinda.. :)
i intend on picking up on that again.
for the most part.

i still play at front porch almost every week.
and my number is 5089723...
so if anyone wants to get together sometime...
i'm all for it :)

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Tuesday, June 8th, 2004
1:51 am
for the first time in a long time i'm genuinly excited.
it was a good night.
i held my cigarette still for the first time in months!
(my hands weren't uncontrolably shaking it)
i'm looking for a local show or something in milwaukee sooon.
in the process i found two really cool bands.
one called telephone and one called looner.
looner is from hollywood so i dont know why it came up
but they're really good (from the 2 songs i heard so far)
i'm going to buy their cd when i have the money and a way to do so online.
and telephone is like old school lisa "left eye" lopez with telephone references everywhere. if that show isn't 21 and over it's a must go to.

fun times. fun times.
i had a pretty good night.
i dont feel too bad right now.
a bit jittery still...
but not bad.
for the first time in a while.

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Thursday, March 18th, 2004
10:58 pm - (from my other journal.... to you) ... sorry to people who read both.
i just finished a song i've been working on for over a year
and right now i'm so happy with it
so happy with it....
the band is working on it this weekend....
i can't wait to play this song for people....
i was jamming it in my room just now
going crazy with the electric not plugged in
almost screaming parts of the lyrics....

it felt good.
i missed doing that.
i'm glad my parents sleep though that shit....
it'd be odd if they walked in.


i needed some sort of sense of release.

a year ago i would have called some people and vented...
but since i really can't trust most of the people who i would have talked to... that's not much of an option.
and the people i confided in the most don't care or don't know how to rephrase what i said when they tell other people shit i tell them not to say anyway.


mom is singing at church again this sunday.
i'm a big fan of my mom's voice.

.... i wish i could be as happy as the people i see at church.
with their hands held up and their big smiles....
why don't i get that feeling of joy?
i believe in god.... and i'm really working on the faith thing
and having "god in my life"....
but i just can't seem to keep myself in that mindset....
relations with god are a personal thing i think to an extent.
we're all different so god would naturally want special relationships with each of us right?
i'd like to think so....
i just wish my eyes were open enough to see all of my fortunes....
and i wish i could feel the joy that people describe as god in their lives.

who wouldn't want to live a world of knowing the lord is taking care of them
and has a plan just for them.
it's a beautiful thought.
and worth believing in even if it wasn't real....

.... but it hasn't been easy for me.

current music: emilie autumn

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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
8:50 pm
Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates anine =)
your best quality isdeep inside ur a good person
your worst quality isyour family pisses you off
this is becauseIts who you are
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

i dont know how i'm going to pull this off.... things dont look so good for me in this situation.... i guess maybe i fear it so much because i saw it comming and i couldn't prevent it.... i tried.... i really did.... when reasons sound like excuses because they're used in excess there's nothing i can really do to change her mind.... but i'll say this.... it's not a mutual decision.

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Friday, March 5th, 2004
10:01 pm
i tried too many times to tell you i needed to talk to you. i liked to think that if you knew how much i wanted to talk to you that you'd be flattered and maybe appreciate enough to listen to what i had to say. i tried to stress it.... i did. when i realised you didn't care. i realalyzed a lot of stuff and realised i dont mean as much as i thought i did to the people i cared the most about. even if they say they love me or whatever.... people use the word too lightly i guess. i know i've done it before... but most of the time i really meant it. and people i thought i was close to aren't really there when i reach out to them.i dont think i could have been more obvious about it. i needed someone to talk to... and i tried to reach you so many times and you just weren't interested in hearing anything i had to say.... i just counted you as one of my closest friends. i'm sure if you read this you still won't get it. you're too wrapped up in whatever else is going in your life. people you hate that do awful shit to you.... you'll spend more time on them then you ever will on the people who've tried to go out of their way to stay close to you. i'm not calling again to be pawned off on to someone else who i don't know because you don't give a shit.

p.s. this has nothing to do with whitney for anyone who's curious. and i'm not talking about this to anyone... except if the person who this is decides to ask me about it. i'm not going to start any shit talking spree.

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Wednesday, February 18th, 2004
2:30 pm - death cab shows
Vic Theater (Chicago, IL)
with Ben Kweller

Vic Theater (Chicago, IL)
with Ben Kweller (BK plays last), Pedro the Lion

i'm going. yes. yes. i am going.
definately to one. possibly both.
if anyone wants to go... SPEAK UP!!!!

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Thursday, January 29th, 2004
2:45 am
i'm tired of pretending you're here when i'm alone in an empty room.

current mood: lethargic

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Friday, January 16th, 2004
12:56 pm
death cab on craig kilborn... monday....
:) i will be watching....
i hope they play something other than "the new year"
that's not one of my favorite new dcfc songs...
but if they do... i won't mind TOO much.
it's still death cab on tv :)

current mood: calm

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Thursday, January 1st, 2004
4:35 am - A New Year, A New You
Normally I don't make any New Year's Resolutions, but the idea of self improvement is growing on me. So I started asking around about them. Bubs said he's going to quit embezzling from himself. Marzipan's going to try and enforce tougher water restrictions on the rest of us. And when I asked Homestar what his resolution was, he said, "Oh, 640x480 probably." That made me laugh. Then Homestar said, "What?" and I remebered what league I was playing in. "Nothing, that's a good one," I told him. "I know," he said, "You should see Space Quest 3. It looks awesome!"

My resolution for this year is to not feel so bad about wanting to hit Homestar so much.

current mood: rotten inside

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Wednesday, December 31st, 2003
10:51 pm - No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway.
i hate new years
cheer me up amazingjokes.com!
well. it failed. but that's alright.

Q: What do you get if you cross a donkey with an onion?
A: Most of the time you simply get an onion with long ears, but every once in a while, you luck out and get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?"
"The son of a bitch called back!

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from going back to sleep.

Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day. The first one says, "My Daddy is so cool he can eat four Burgers at one meal."
The second one says, "That's nothing. My Daddy can eat six."
Little Jonny starts laughing and says, "My Daddy can eat light bulbs."
The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. They ask him why he thinks His daddy can eat light bulbs.
Little Jonny replies, "Last night I was passing my parents room and my Daddy said, 'Honey, turn out that light I want to eat that thing.'"

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Wednesday, December 24th, 2003
1:48 am

i can't wait for the next couple months.
if all goes to plan.
tell me am i right to thinkthat there could be nothing better?

timmy moved out.
it's kind of weird. but good to have my room be my room again.
and free of the odors that came with it.
those of which i will not describe in a fucking online journal.

getahold of me so i can at least say merry xmas.
those who live close. youwill see me.
or i was assume you hate me.
and killmyself.


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Wednesday, December 17th, 2003
11:27 am - favor
would anyone who has mtv2 do me a favor and record a show for me?

Death Cab is profiled on the MTV show Advance Warning, featuring concert footage from a recent show in Seattle at the Showbox. You have multiple opportunities to catch the show on MTV2:

Dec 21, 9pm
Dec 22, 10:30am
Dec 23, 7:30am
Dec 28, 3am
Dec 30, 2:30am
Jan 2, 8am

i don't have mtv2 and i'd like to have it....
i'll pay for the tape or whatever...

AND the murder by death/the american analog set/troubled hubble show is sunday if anyone would like to go. it's $8.... and stuff

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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
12:14 am
i know i don't update this often anymore.
i just have nothing interesting to say really.
relations are good.
i'm still trying to find ajob.
i need to attend some open mics though.
whenever i'm out of the open mic night circuit
i feel weird throughout the week.
being out of school is weird.
i don't like it.
tim is moving out really soon.
that's just weird.
i'm going to kind of miss it.
not the mess and certainly not the smells :-P
but having something to look forward to.
someone comming home. even if it was for a bit.
i had someone to talk to other than my mom.
any ways. it'll be cool though.
i'll have my room to myself again.

i'm going to try to see american analog set and murder by death at the metro. but i doubt i'll get to go.
i don't know anyone else who'd want to go.
so if you'd want to go, let me know.
i'd really like to.

current mood: lethargic

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Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
Fatal Consequences of Excessive Masturbation

Frequent masturbation and ejaculation stimulate acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions excessively, resulting in the over production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Abundant and unusually amount of these hormones and neurotransmitters can cause the brain and adrenal glands to perform excessive dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversion and turn the brain and body functions to be extremely sympathetic. In other words, there is a big change of body chemistry when one excessively pratices masturbation.

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Fatal Consequences of Excessive Masturbation

Frequent masturbation and ejaculation stimulate acetylcholine/parasympathetic nervous functions excessively, resulting in the over production of sex hormones and neurotransmitters such as acetylcholine, dopamine and serotonin. Abundant and unusually amount of these hormones and neurotransmitters can cause the brain and adrenal glands to perform excessive dopamine-norepinephrine-epinephrine conversion and turn the brain and body functions to be extremely sympathetic. In other words, there is a big change of body chemistry when one excessively pratices masturbation.


Note: Masturbation is a healthy sexual behavior. Like other behaviors, when over practiced or addicted it can lead to both psychological and physiological imbalances.

The side effects of such changes to the body include:
Fatigue. Feeling tired all the time
Lower back pain
Stress / Anxiety
Thinning hair / Hair Loss
Soft / Weak Erection
Premature Ejaculation
Eye floaters or fuzzy vision
Groin / Testicular Pain
Pain or cramp in the pelvic cavity or/and tail bone

If above symptoms are experienced, you need to restore the balance of brain's acetylcholine / parasympathetic ratio, reduces the level of sex hormones in the body, and sedates sympathetic nervous function, or the symptoms would become worse.
now that should explain some stuff for those who materbate like fucking madmasterbationaddicts.
. oh. and i got my permit today.
hopefully soon i'll have a job.

current mood: accomplished

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Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
8:07 pm
what do they really think of you by purple
lj name
your best friend thinksif they ignore you you'll go
your family thinkyou sing like an angel
strangers thinkyou're fucking hot!!
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

so lame. so lame.

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Monday, November 10th, 2003
5:05 am
if anyone is interested in what i'm doing musically while ember is taking a break.


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